Don't Crap Your Pants

Don't Crap Your Pants

For want of a better name I decided to replace s**t with crap, just as I actually prefer to word in general!

Don't Crap Your Pants

If you are looking for a five minute game that has wit, toilet humor and some creative stress relieving rolled into one, then look no further. Don't Crap Your Pants will help you relieve some stress in the most unbelievably crass manner that is possible in a game.

What You Need to Do

And if reading the game's title is not enough, we will spell it out for all of you. The objective of this game is simple: whatever happens, do not poop in your pants. You will have plenty of actions available to you and the game itself is quite inventive when it comes to coming up with solution before the crap hits the fan (pun intended). So yes, soiling yourself is the last thing that this game wants you to do. So whatever happens, Don't Crap Your Pants.

Well, you might want to consider doing so if you are a completionist; shitting your pants is required in order to be crowned the Shit King. This title is a prestigious honor that is given only to those who have much experience in the pooping department and have exhibited some creative thinking during the course of the game. Obviously, no stick in the mud will appreciate the number of ways to poop your pants, but for those who do not mind the smelly humor, you are definitely in for a treat.

In Control of Your Movements

There are no mouse controls for the game other than clicking to place the cursor on the input field. If you have any experience playing the text games at all, you will have no trouble figuring out Don't Crap Your Pants. If you happen to be new to the genre, then this bite-sized game is a good introduction. After all, there are no complicated phrases or in depth text explorations needed. You simply have to figure out the right commands, ranging from a single line to a couple of nested text instructions for your guy. Our only gripe here is that the instructions and hints are not included in-game. If you happen to be new to this sort of game, or if a younger player happens to chance upon it, there will be a few minutes spent figuring out which text commands make your guy move. At any rate, the creator does mention that typing "look" will do wonders in figuring out what to do next. After that, you will just have to experiment on your own.

More Rewards Before and After You Flush

The most rewarding thing in this game is garnering all of the Pants Shitting Achievements. At first you will only be able to see their titles, but that does offer enough indication on what to do in order to get them.

In order to get the utmost that the game experience can deliver, we highly urge players to follow one simple rule: do not cheat. Seriously, do not go searching the web for the commands to unlock the achievements. Sure, there are plenty of great references out there that will tell you all the secrets to this game. But in doing so, you will miss out on a crucial part of the core game play which is figuring out the acceptable phrases. At the very least, try to figure things out on your own and see how far you go without shitting your pants -and when you feel that you have exhausted every possible action and scenario in the game, then it would be worth considering checking out a guide to see what else you may have missed.

Don't Crap Your Pants

Looks Better Than It Smells

Do not expect cel shaded graphics in Don't Crap Your Pants. Rest assured, the 8-bit visuals contribute a special little something to the game's crude humor. Pixel poop is so much more classy compared to Flash-drawn poop anyway, which makes the visuals surprisingly charming. The expressions on your character's expressions are priceless as well, which may induce a few snickers from you or your friends. Given that the text choices for the game are reminiscent of old DOS command prompts and the sound effects restricted to short midi clips, all of the elements contribute nicely to the game's somewhat familiar, retro feel.

The length of the game really depends on your "route" so to speak. If you manage to relieve some of your guy's potty pressure, you get to extend your time by a minute. If not, then you are stuck with a few seconds to help your guy out. For replay value, you can opt to go through the ordeal multiple times in order to complete all of the endings. Think of it as a typing game version of a choose your own adventure book. Only with more toilet humor, and possibly, messier.

In terms of gripes, we only have a few. The game is a bit strict when it comes to commands, so if you happen to have a flair for big words and proper sentences, expect to be dismissed. There are still several different combinations which work but you will have to employ a trial and error approach to figure them out. Also, a certain result does not coincide with the situation. Regardless, these are minor gripes for such a well-made text based game.

The Verdict

With its 8-bit feel and its silly toilet humor, Don't Crap Your Pants is definitely not your run in the mill casual game. If you are not the type to get grossed out by the simplest things and you are looking for a bite-sized title to pass a few minutes, then give it a chance. Game play-wise, trying for commands may be a tad frustrating for much younger players, but you may not want your kid to integrate toilet speech into his repertoire anyway. As compared to throw games, tower defense titles and platformers, there are very few text based games out there. In which case, Don't Crap Your Pants is a fresh pick among the rest, despite it being a spin on a classic game.

Overall, pixel poop has never looked better in a game than in this title. Go for the Shit King crown and learn how to poop properly as a plus.